Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led Relationships.
Thanks for your patience during my two-week pause. Two almost became three, as I really wasn't very interested in posting this week either, but I decided I didn't want to seem like a tease. It's been a weird couple of weeks where DD is concerned. This will be hard to explain, as I don't want to give a lot of personal details. It would be too easy for anyone who knows me and happens to read this blog to put two and two together . . . But, in a nutshell, I've known for a while that there was going to be an event taking place that was going to be, at least on a temporary basis (temporary being several weeks or a few months), an interruption in my routine. Kind of a forced slowing down in some areas, requiring at least some temporary life-style changes. I knew in general when it was going to happen and was making some plans around that. Then, a scheduling change occurred, and the the event happened a few weeks ahead of schedule.
As I said, I knew this was going to force some lifestyle changes, if only on a temporary basis, and I was actually kind of looking forward to aspects of it, thinking of some "before" and "after" effects I would like to bring about. In truth, this year has seemed like a rut from the start, and in some ways it's a rut I've been in for more than a year. Kind of like the movie Groundhog Day. I want to change for the better. I want the situation around me to change. Yet, I wake up in the same place every morning, and I just don't seem to have the ability to change things much. So, I was expecting at least some change and, while I knew the event itself wasn't going to be pleasant, I was actually kind of looking forward to some forced redirection in my life.
What I didn't expect was to come out on the other side of it, and it wasn't like I needed to think about changing my attitude to support my new circumstances. Instead, in a few areas, I just didn't care. Weirdly, DD and FLR being at the top of the list. For example, one of those ruts I've been in has been spending too much time on DD and FLR-related blogs and Tumblrs. All of a sudden, I just didn't care. It was like when I see golf on TV. I never, ever watch it because I just have zero interest in it. That's what it felt like looking at things like Tumblrs with FLR and spanking-related captions. Just didn't do anything for me. And, that is very much where I was last week when it came to writing this blog. I had a sequence of posts planned in my head, so it wasn't writer's block or lacking for a topic. I just wasn't interested enough in the topic to sit down and write about it for an hour. It was like an alcoholic waking up and one day and having no interest in having a drink.
This was not, by the way, like what our KD Pierre was going through last year, when he said he was going through a major life stressor that left him resistant to being punished. If anything, this is kind of the opposite. I have been feeling less stress for the last couple of weeks than is normally the case. Which could be part of the explanation. I've always known that part of the attraction to DD was giving up some control in the midst of an otherwise controlling existence. But, the interest level dropped so suddenly, like someone flipping a light switch. And, even as work stress has resumed, the interest in DD and FLR really hasn't. Now, one area in which it was a little like what KD described is I suddenly was in no mood to be bossed around. Part of the event in question involved being told a lot of things I had to do or couldn't do, and I was in no mood for more of that on the home front. Which makes any kind of FLR dynamic difficult, to say the least.
It is a little disconcerting, going through something that shows how little control we sometimes have over our own interests and attitudes. I don't know why I am really surprised though, since I am one of the few in this group who had no interest at all in spanking, and then suddenly did after encountering one specific stimulus. That is how this feels, but in reverse. I do suspect that it's temporary, as there were some other things I lost interest in, and I can feel the taste for them coming back a little. And, in any event, DD has had a positive impact on my relationship with my wife and on her personal growth, and I wouldn't want to lose that. On the FLR front, however, I wonder if this will prove to be more of a permanent change. I was already getting some signals from the universe that this whole learning to be more submissive thing just is not who I am. I could see going back to something a lot more like Fred describes as his relationship, where DD is something that is used to deal with specific offenses, then life goes on as normal. We'll see.
Has DD or FLR been like that for any of you? Have there been periods where you just lost interest? Was there anything specific that caused the lack of interest or that caused it to come back?